Psychotherapist and the author of Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage,Tina B. Tessina says that “Cheating is not only sex.” “The real thing that upsets the apple cart is betrayal and unfaithfulness. You can easily do that without touching anyone.”

So how do you know you are cheating on your spouse without having any physical contact with someone else? Catherine Donaldson-Evans of SheKnows lists 6 ways couples cheat:

You’re attracted to someone else and compare your partner to him, in a bad way: Look, attraction to other people happens when you’re in a committed relationship. That part’s totally fine and good and normal. It’s what you do with it that matters. If you think another guy is hot and you keep comparing your significant other unfavorably to him, you’re not being true to your man.

You lie about the important stuff: Whether it’s about a friendship you’ve struck up but choose not to share details of with your sig-o, classes or coaching you’re doing for self-improvement purposes, money, work milestones or any other significant occurrences, lying is a form of betrayal to the one you love. Period. So why do it?

You spend money you two haven’t agreed on: While this might not seem remotely like cheating, if you’re spending money behind your partner’s back on something he or she doesn’t feel comfortable with or doesn’t know about, you’re not being true. “Anything that undermines your mutual love and connection is actually betrayal of the faith in your relationship, and therefore, unfaithful,” says Tessina.

You can’t stop thinking about someone else during sex:Fantasizing about someone else during sex with your sig-o is no big deal, once in a while. But it can rise to the level of cheating if you’re “imagining sex with another person — the same one — consistently while having sex with your partner,” says Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D., a licensed couples therapist and the author of Now You Want Me, Now You Don’t!. Ask yourself how you’d feel if he were doing the same thing while having sex with you. Yes. Betrayed.

You avoid solving problems together: Whenever you do something to tamper with, weaken or break your connection with your partner — like giving up on solving problems together, as a team — you’re not being faithful and you’re in essence cheating on him, Tessina says.

You’re very close to another person who isn’t in your immediate group of friends:If you’re “enjoying emotional closeness — total emotional nakedness — with another person who isn’t a friend in your social circle,” that’s a form of infidelity, Raymond says. “This other person is the first person you think of talking to because it’s more fulfilling than telling your partner.” It’s so common and so widely considered cheating that it’s got a name: an emotional affair. Stop it before it starts if you want to keep your primary relationship healthy and intact.